I bundled up this morning in an oversized vintage fleece and a beanie from Alaska to walk Batesville road. Miss Mira trotted ahead with a fierce step. I shivered. The sun cast a false glow of warmth and the red and orange of the maple leaves danced in the cold October breeze. The grass glistened with frost and my fingers stiffened by the cold air ached. 

Ahead I saw my neighbor walking toward me. She yelled “It’s COLD” 

We laughed. 

“We going to walk? Or retreat?”

Mira looked at me. She sniffed a patch of grass beside the dirt road.

“I’m going back home.” I replied.

We both turned and walked back toward our homes.

As I made it back to my driveway I released Mira from her leash and she dashed away. The old oak in front of the farmhouse stood in all its glory covered in deep red caught my eye.  Well, at least I made it out for a short walk, I thought to myself. I stood in awe of the old oak for a few deep breaths and went inside to make a warm cup of coffee. My breath trailed behind me to float away in the breeze.

I love this time of year, but dread the winter that I know is on its way. December brings on the anniversary of mom’s death and February ushers in long cold days and the veil of sadness of my father’s death. Whoever says time makes things better isn’t fully capturing the reality. The loss of a loved one, the twangs of pain, the need to hug them and hear their laughter never fades. They are physically no longer here, but I see them everywhere. I still want them to be here in person, especially in my time of need of comfort and support. They always were there for me unconditionally. I need to be there for myself in the same way. 

I’m trying.

I’ll walk again today when the earth has warmed up a bit. I am thankful for knowing love, friendship, and laughter, and when to turn around and try again later.

Maple Leaves and an October Breeze

This morning I admired the old oak ablaze

It holds onto its leaves longer than maples or poplars

Even when the snow covers the ground 

A few deep red crumpled leaves always remain

A splash of color in the winter’s gray

A reminder of glorious autumn days

An October breeze

And a love that will never fade